You're Wrong!

That's right, you're wrong, and I'm write!

So recently I've noticed a bit (teeny tiny) of an anger problem, and through friends of course. It wasn't until it was pointed out to me that I actually realised it for myself. The majority of my life, if I was angry, it was gone, just about as quickly as it came IE: I dealt with it. Now for the past year roughly, I've been fairly miserable to say the least. All I did was bitch and moan, and rant. It was helping anyone really to say the least. I wouldn't call the realisation hitting rock bottom or frankly anything near the bottom, but it sure shook up some things in me.

The main part (but not only, if I'm fair) of my misery was due to a certain female. She came into my life and as much as I was enthralled in her, I surely wasn't cut out for what she wanted. A few things happened along that path. I tried harder and harder to be someone I wasn't, and for what I thought was for her. I now know I have no idea why I was trying to change. Yeah, that's irony for ya I suppose. Back to the point though. Anyhow once I was "relieved" of that burden, life became a bit clearer, or so I thought. In all actuality I think I was still beating myself up over the whole fiasco, and I just wasn't aware of it. I thought that the thing (female) that had been tormenting me (by way of myself) was done and dusted. Then came the easy peasy statement made by a friend. I'm paraphrasing here, so it's basically what I comprehended about that statement, and not the exact words. "So maybe you should not drink so much, ya know like drink, but stop drinking before you lose control". Then began the wtf are you talking about kinda response. Instantly on the defensive for something that was actually a valid point. Anyways, the long and short of it was, that I was shown I have been angry.

Once I was told about that, it became a fist in my face of obviousness that I had just not seen until that point. It's like a new awakening kinda thing. Once you see the problem for what it is (something you don't want it to be), it makes the problem much more manageable. Just hold on, this is actually going somewhere, however it might not be the ending you're looking for (waving of hands and shit).

Now work has it's own issues, that just stack up higher than Elvis' records, or so it seems. I mean the Himalayas aint got shit on the problem at work, and then again, maybe I'm just so used to working for large companies, that this small company is a new world to me, but they want to play in the big boy fields, but they want their small social circle jerks too. Anyway digression has it in for me all of a sudden. At work it's like a dream but yet nightmare due to the dream. It all about getting something, but not quite thinking about the follow through. I mean exactly that I feel that I am top of the food chain technically, and due to that I take a bit more proactive approach to fixing a small but yet problem ridden company. Security was never thought of before I got there. I mean they had passwords of course, and everyone knew them and that includes the staff who had been sacked, or quit. Just as an example. So lately I've been putting my nose in other people's business, and keep in mind, that recently to me has been just over a year or so. Well we had this meeting last week were we decided on a few things. I suppose last week I took great interest to not do much during the meeting. It was for the team leaders, operations director, and project management guy. Anyways I had forgotten about the subject of said meeting since I was taking a great interest in not caring about other people's problems. I mean, I had enough of my own shit to worry about right? (look above you, then look below you, do that 2 more times). OK, so I sent out an email which was in contrast to the meeting we had. Now I had forgotten, and as usual, no emails were sent around. That's the thing to do for communication after meetings for most everyone that attends them, and yes I'm usually an exception to that rule, but not this time. Remember? I didn't give a shit? Right, so yeah, I was corrected on it, and when I said 'yeah, I'm wrong ignore it", I felt soooo much better. It's almost as if I wanted to be wrong, it felt so good. I think I need to say it more often (even if I'm not) just for purely therapeutically reasons if for anything at all. I hate being wrong, but saying I'm wrong is a whole new happy-place world (;

There! Ya happy? After all that, there is your anti-climax (;

Chris-